You really lose a since of time while in the hospital. I catch myself totally forgetting what day it is and having to really stop and think.
A recap:
Friday was again a really tough day. It was our first day in a private room. Again I guess I was expecting leaps and bounds....actually anything really....and all I got was nothing. He was still not eating. Finally Dr. Vivas stopped by and just explained to him the importance of nutriants. He drank two boxes of boost but from what I gather, after I left, that was the extent of it.
We got him up with the occupational therapist but he was really unstable and leaned very bad. And he slept most of the day again. Again.....I spent most the day crying and walking the halls of the hospital to try and clear my head. We had it no way as bad as others. My friend I made....her husband made a rebound after they called the family in to say goodbyes. He is still in Critical condition...they had to remove the top of his skull to help with swelling. But I took a peak yesterday and he is still in ICU. That is a blessing. So yeah.....it makes you rethink your situation when you see others.
I left around 3...I was scared to drive home for the first time in the dark and by myself. They were going to take him down for a CT Scan so I snuck out while he was gone. Once I got home that was the furtherst place I wanted to be. And it really took everything I had not to turn around and go back. But I used the time as I usually do and cleaned, unpacked, ordered pizza and worked my 31 and OO orders that had come in.
Saturday I had a 31 Premier meeting that had already been scheduled. Billy wanted me to attend it. Now you know how excited 31 makes me.....I didn't even want to be at the premier. Could of cared less actually. Our friend Charles was sitting with him while I was gone. My report was still not eating and not getting up. I snapped in the middle of the theater. Hopped my butt in the car and the entire drive in I was giving him a one, two, three speech. I think it kinda kept me from having a total anxiety attack dealing with the drive to Emory. the first time by myself and trying not to get on the wrong interstate. But once I got there all I could do was shake. That was scary and I was so mad. Another thing I really think the hospitals should supply families is some sort of support. Educating the families on what to expect. How to deal with set backs and things like that. It is really hard, really hard, trying to do this on your own and not sure what to expect, how to handles the stress.....it is just crazy. I may not be able to manage being a physical therapist like I dreamed about as a child....or to be a nurse or doctor....but I could see a family supporter in my future. It is much needed for sure.
Well I flew up to his room as fast as the elevators would let me and low and behold....who was sitting up in bed? Who had just took a trip down the hall with the therapist? I ran in there and sat on that bed....all the angry just whooshed out of me. I told him he is soooooo lucky that he is sitting up because I was about to give him a rough Wife Bitching session! It was time for this wife to show him how a true Waters personality is. I did firmly tell him he has to eat. He replied I'm not hungry. I can't eat when I am not hungry. Well my reply....your going to eat anyway. hungry or not. So I proceeded to order his lunch and didn't even ask what he wanted. He took a good hour nap and then his lunch came in. I let him make the first step and ask me to roll it to him. Ad he did :) he ate a few bites of soup, 4 bites of applesauce, 1 bite of mashed potatoes and half a can of boost pudding. I was happy. It wasn't a lot....but it was a start! I will take a start anyday!!!! And then he sat there and TALKED TO ME!!! Thank you Jesus! He didn't try and go back to sleep. We talked for an hour and then he asked if I wanted to take a stroll! He got up on that bed....stood up with that walker and headed out the door. I didn't have to hold him....nothing. We walked the length of the hall, back, to the other end, and then retraced our steps yet again!!!! If only you could see this smile on my face! He would stop and read the info on the walls, glance in at patients and I even grabbed his little ole butt and he giggled. (I'm sure that is more information than you wanted but it feels so good to have my baby back!!!). He then sat back down in bed and talked to me until I left at 5. I have never been so happy EVER! THIS was progress and this was what I needed to see to know he was really going to be okay.
It is so hard to explain the feelings you go through....how scared you are....the unknown future. It's just not anything I can put into words. I never....NEVER.....NEVER want to be in this situation again. I pretend to be a strong person....but really......I'm not. Billy is my rock. He is what keeps me going each day. He is the love of my life. Without him beside me....well....we will not go there.
Today I have to watch butterbean for a little bit until my mom can get here. Then it is back to the hospital I go....just in time for lunch....and I will stay there until they release him. I'm hoping that will be Monday. We are still unsure if he will go straight to a rehab facility or home. Either way we have a lot of prepping to do. I need to purchase a walker, get rails put up in our bathroom and find a seat that sets in the tub. For starters.
But we are one step closer!
No more tubes...all the tubes (with the exception of the IV ports) are gone. No lumbar drain. The incision is healing nicely and no leakage. We never heard back on the CT Scan so I am guessing that looked good too :)
Thanks for hanging in there with us!
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