So how am I doing on my Project 52? 32 books down and only 16 more weeks to go so I only need to read 20 more books....sigh....well I HAD a jump in the lead for a while but I guess I took a long slide somewhere. Maybe I missed a book here and there? Not sure I will get 52 books in this year but I have given it a good try at least. and read some books that I don't think I noramlly would of read. such as...
I weighed/and still weigh....3 times a day. I get up, go to the bathroom, strip out of my night clothes, get on the scale....and that tells me if I am going to have a good day or not. When I get home from work...I weigh. When I go to bed at night...I weigh. I know exactly how much I will weigh in the morning by what the scale tells me at night. I've tried to throw out the scale but that just causes anxiety. That number has become who I am. If it is lower...I feel prettier. But yet I can still pick myself apart and make myself feel horrible and ugly.
It's a vicious cycle. and one I am not sure how I got on and why. The hurdle....loving myself for who I am. I have a wonderful husband who has seen me at 200 lbs and has seen me at 124 and he has loved me the entire time. He is always telling me....you are perfect just as you are...but for some reason I still battle with myself. It's hard. But I'm trying.
After reading this book....I know that the key is in myself. It is loving what I was put on this earth with. I may not always be comfortable the size I am but in all seriousness....I am a size 10...and should be comfortable with that. I will NEVER be a size 6. I will never be a size 4. Maybe an 8 but is it something that is worth punishing my body for. No. I have a beautiful BFF that I would LOVE to be her size. She is beautiful inside and out and can stay so thin. But I can never be her. and I have to learn that...realize that. I need to love the extra wrinkles that are popping up all over my face...love the age spots (but I think I might fight them as long as I can)...love that I am short....just love me as I am...Yes that is the hardest thing....learning to love yourself as you are. But I will and can.
Thank you Portia...even though I will not mail my letter to you....nor will you ever read it....I still thank you for sharing your life....your story....your heart....because it WILL touch others and help others do what they need to get thru things.
Read this book. If you have ever felt like I have...read it. It's worth it.