Monday, April 4, 2011

Do you ever have days....

Do you ever have days where it is almost to much. Feelings. the world. It's just overwhelming. I think I am there. This weekend just wasn't a good one. It started off great. Billy and I was sitting down to coffee Saturday morning, talking about us going and looking for a new truck for him. That way Shawn can buy the old Dodge and have something to drive to school next school year (August). I left and went to the grocery store. Came back home and Billy had called the septic people to see how much it would be to pump out the septic tank. It has needed it for a few years now. Our house is 13 years old so we were over due. Only $ I was like sounds them back. Had to miss my cousins 40th birthday party so that I could stick around for the guys to get there. They finally got there...chatted a little bit with the hubs...he walks in...yeah...$5500 is what it is going to take to fix it. Say WHAT! Pump it, new lids and 75 more feet of fill lines. Lovely. There went the new truck. There went a good chunk of our savings. Will be there sunday to fix it all up. I guess on the bright side we will have a beautiful backyard again for Danie to play in (gotta look to the bright side right!).

Then I found out that our dear friend Joanne....her husband Ricky passed away Saturday afternoon. I was shocked to hear that. We were just talking about him last Saturday and that he was feeling much better. They are unsure if it was his heart or a diabetic coma. Either was unexpected and very sad. So today we go to the viewing and funeral tomorrow.

Then as the day progressed I found out my cousin Melissa has a brain tumor. That was a shock too. I never would of guessed that was the reason for her migraines. Luckily it is non cancerous but all the same...she has to have surgery. It's just scary. She is younger than I am by several years. So of course that gets me to thinking just how precious our lives are. And not to ignore when things are bothering you. I have my blood pressure appt set up for June. While I am there I am going to have her do a full blood workup and also blood work for RA. I'm sure I don't have RA but who knows. My back hurts so bad every day...I know I have arthritis setting up in it. Now my hip is hurting...has been for 4 months now. And to be honest that worries me. If it was a pulled muscle I would think it would of healed by now but it has not...and if anything is getting worse. So I will have her see what she thinks...although I know that will mean tests. Which then throws me in a bit of depression...Billy's insurance just started over last friday so here comes the huge deductibles again. My Echo for my heart is due in June which is at least $1000. I'm tired of bills. Tired of paying for things that I get no enjoyment out of. I know the Echo is important but still.

Sunday was okay I guess. Spent the morning cuddling with Little Danie. She is just so precious. Whenever I am feeling down I can hold her and my worries go away. I wish I could protect her from all that is bad in the world. From all the stress. But I know I can't. The septic people came out about noon and spent the afternoon digging up our backyard. Now it is all mud and yuck. Headed over to the lake and had a family meeting. Being with my family always cheers me up too. At least we have dates for the rest of the year for fishing days. The only makes me miss my nanny more. I wish she was here to enjoy what all we have been doing. I can just see her sitting in her lawn chair, kicked back, enjoying the family and friends. Laughing. Oh how I miss her.

Coming into work today I came up on a head on flight overhead....ambulance and police galore. I immediately went into prayer for the guys in the trucks. They have family somewhere....their world will be turned upside down today...I prayed that God would spare this man...and let him live for a while longer. That he will be okay. That God will be with him this morning and in the future days.

The wedding is 13 days away. So much to do. So much left to buy. I need a second job somedays.

The emotions are just to much right now. life in general is a little crazy at the moment. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel....I just can't see it at the moment but it is there. But as I always say....take it one day at a time. So today...I attend a friends viewing. Then we will wake up and take on tomorrow. And then the next day. Just one day at a time.


Janet Z said...

Oh Becky my heart aches for all that you having to deal with right now.
You are doing the right thing by praying and I will pray for you too!
Hug hugs.
My son-in-law is having an MRI this week and we are hoping the issues that he is having is nothing to be worried about. So I some what know the feelings you are having.

Jewel said...

Becky I am so sorry for all of the hardship right now. I hope that it gets easier soon.

EmilyB. said...

Hey you, So sorry things are just rotten right now. Just remember that there are a lot of people out here that know and love you, so take heart. The days will get better and we are all here to support you. ((HUGS))