Wednesday, June 2, 2010

stress and a new painting

The rooster :) I made him the other night and REALLY love how he turned out. I as pretty proud of this one. He is 16x20 and the background is gold and brown mixed. He is going for $40

the daughter. She said some things today that were very hurtful. I know she is trying to live on her own. I know she sees the mistakes she has made. I know that she is scared at times. But she has got to stop trying to hurt me on purpose. The things she said today was just uncalled for. She told me that redoing her room was hurtful to her and that there is nothing left of her in this house. That it just means we don't want her here and don't want to remember her. That she will never come back home because of this room! and so many other things. She made me feel so bad and guilty that I chose the decision I did. And I shouldn't. This is my house. She is the one who walked out and left. She is the one being disrespectful and hurtful to us all the time. I just thought she would grow up when she saw how hard it is out there in the world but she isn't...she hasn't...she won't.

We are still awaiting to see how Shawn did in school. He took a final today for a class he had a 64 in. He is not going to school tomorrow because he is exempting 2 tests. Friday he has the Lit final that he has a 62 in. These two classes will decided if he goes on to the 11th grade. I am very upset that he let it get this bad this year. He knows better. He is so much smarter than that. And here we are 2 days left of idea if he will pass....and no way of knowing until next week sometime. It has my stress level out the roof.

And what these kids don't realize is that Friday I have a cardiologist appointment...and then anotherr one on the 11th. And I am sure my blood pressure will be out the rough and the dr is going to yell and complain. I don't want to face that either. I really would like to just go under a rock and stay for a while.

At least I am off Friday. I have lots to do.

Kayla sent me a message to let me know that her great grandmother (on her biological what ever he is) side is not doing well at all and wants to see me. Another position I don't want to be in. Deciding to go back and meet that family that I have left behind a closed door for 12 years or to just let the door stay closed. I am really over the emotional stuff right now and not sure how much more I will be able to take on. I guess time will tell and we all know God will not give us more than we can handle but Lord...I am at my end and not sure I can take on anymore.

On to good news....looks like I will be having my art work booth at Paulding Meadows in september. I am really excited about that but lots to do before then. Lots of paintings to make and who knows what else I need to do. I guess one hurdle at a time and then I can think about it.

I hate hurdles.

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