Sunday, March 30, 2008

Playing with the mind

It's funny how things play with your mind. What seems like the obvious is not really how it goes. What am I talking about? lol
take this weight for an example. I weighed in Thursday with the trainer at 178.8. We had already did one work out and I started changing my diet the day before. Up to 1400 calories a day from the 1000-1200 I was used to. Today I get on the scale (mainly because those that know me know I am scale obsesive) and what did it say. 180! 180 folks. Now my brain is screaming what the HELL is that all about! 2 work outs. Eating good and healthy. I hurt all over my body and for what. to gain 2 lbs. I am not happy about that.
But the reality is it's okay. Every one tells me it is perfectly fine and that you can gain first before you lose. I'm building muscle...muscle weighs more than fat...and once the muscle is doing good then starts working on that fat. i've been told it will take several weeks if not a month before I notice anything on the scale. That I will notice it all in my clothes. Well if we are being honest here then I want tell you that I had on my NEW jeans today that fit just fine and when I bent over the damn things ripped in the front. Yep....that really helped the whole 180 thing today! A scale that doesn't like me and my new jeans ripping. Yep. I'm trying REALLY hard to get that brain of mine to understand it's okay. Wish I felt more confident about it all. But with one week done....I'm not so much feeling all that confident.
Another hurdle for me if you haven't noticed already is me liking myself and not being so blasted hard on myself. But that has been something I have done most of my life so it will take longer than a week or 8 weeks to fix. But I'm trying. I promise I am.
On the scrapping home front I actually scrapped two pages this weekend. That felt good. And I am actually pretty happy with them which has not been something I have done lately. Hope you like them :)
AND....only 3.5 more days and my daughter gets on an airplane headed to NYC. They leave at 4 am in the morning Thursday. I am getting pretty stressed, nervous, sad....anxious. Maybe I need to make a stress journal to go along with my weight journal and art journal :)


Leah C said...

Keep pecking at your brain telling it you are doing fantastic! You are such an inspiration for me. I love that your working out and changing your eating habits. Which reminds me, I need to weigh in today. Not looking forward to that since I ate crap yesterday. All that hard work, and I probably ruined it with one meal. ugh. Anyways, keep charging onward!! I will too :) Today is a new day!
The layouts are gorgeous!

emily said...

Don't sweat the initial gain, Becky. Yes, you are building up muscle. Yes, it weighs more than fat. Yes, it will take time. Yes, you will see a difference. Keep it up!