Tuesday, March 17, 2009


as I was riding home from work today I was hit with several observations....some that have been eating away at me for a very long time and some that just hit me square in the face. We get so busy in our schedules and life that sometimes little observations just pass us by. I'm not sure if I am PMSing....or just sad...or overloaded or who knows what it is. I'm sure some sort of medication would take care of it all...lol.

But to share my observations....

1- Friends. I love friends. and I try to be there for each and every one. Each friend is carried in a special place in my heart. Each one means something special to me. but to be hurt by a friend...and one that you would even go as far as to call your BFF....that....that sucks. I've had a best friend that I could share everything...I mean everything with...for 11 years. That is a long time. All my best friends from high school moved away and we don't really chat anymore. This friend kinda picked up where those left off. It was great. Wonderful. I so enjoyed having someone to share things with...send flowers to when she was down....call at the worst moment just to share something going on....it was something I really enjoyed. Well...that was until she lied to me. Flat out lied too. And then she stopped calling. She stopped coming over. She just stopped. She has since moved and never once picked up the phone to call me or tell me. I kinda feel lost. A part of me is just sitting here wondering why??? why did I even put so much into that relationship.....I guess God only knows right. But it still makes me sad....and most of all...hurt.

2- 10 weeks until school is out. 10 weeks to get my kids to get off thier arse and pass the classes they are failing. 10 weeks of major stress I am sure as I wonder if I will be having a high school graduate and a sophmore. I know I will but this is crunch stress time that I always go thru.

3- the graduate! that is stress all in its self. But good stress. I have a party to plan. Invites to send out. Announcements to send out. My observation about this graduate....I have done all I can do for this child. I have raised her. I have taught her everything I know. Told her what to do and what not to do the best way I can. And now it will be soon the time where I have to let her go. She will be 19 in just a month and a half. I should of let go a while back but I just couldn't. Now it is time. But will I be able to is the question.

4-car observation. My daughter SOOOOO needs a job so she can get her OWN car and I DONT have to be mama taxi anymore.

5-I'm ready to retire. To go away and hide from the world for a while. To build my house on the lake and sit out on the back porch sipping my coffee watching the sun rise in the mornings.

6-I am looking at myself and wondering if I have done everything that I need to do to be the person I want to be in life. I'm 37....is there more for me out there to do? To become? Should I be taking online classes to learn more? If so what? What is it that I need to be doing because I feel undone...I feel as though I am leaving something out and I just don't know what.

Observations to continue.....because now I have to put my taxi hat on


latte_grande said...

Aaw, big {{hugs}}} honey! I wish I lived closer to you, we could totally hang out and de-stress together! I don't know what might be missing, but I'll be praying for you!

R said...

snap outta of it.
You've got one to graduate just around the corner-
And your mind is on:
the empty spot in your brain is feelin' it.
It'll be alright.
And about that friend thing- move on. She did.
Been there and done that.

R said...

Guess what happened to me this afternoon.
I had to put a friend in a boat- hand her the paddles, map and fresh water.
Told her to leave town while it was daylight and she had plenty of rowing time.
Gave her instructions on how to pull up that sail too. "Catch a good wind."
Very sad, isn't it.
You put so much into something that no longer fits- like a good pair of shoes.
My heart is broken.
We'll be broken together.