Monday, June 30, 2008

I wonder....

sometimes I wonder way to much.
and then wondering gets me to thinking even more and then I get confused as to what should really happen in life.
For example: How do you know something that has came along is really what should happen? I know you should take chances in life. I know that you should follow your dreams and your heart. But how do you know it's right? How do you know your not making the biggest mistake of your life?

Billy and I have lived here on his familys property for 10 years. this property has been around in his family for over 100 years. There was so much more to it back then and now all is left is 10 acres. Which is still alot around here. on this 10 acres sits our house, his moms old house, Aunt Vera's old house and his brothers house...along with 2 horses and a pasture. We have lived in our house for almost 10 years.

And then you have my families property. about 100 acres with a huge lake. 4 children who have divided their lots into about 4 acres I think. The rest is lake and surrounding the lake kinda stuff. You have my Nanny's house which my cousin is moving in to. and you have the trailor park. They have evicted/told to move out everyone so that the trailor park land can be sold.

So the other day I got to thinking. What if....what if the price is right. What if we bought that 4 acres of trailor park and built a house? What if we held onto it until Shawn was out of school (4 more years) and then built our retirement kinda home? The place we will stay. but is that the right thing to do? It's keeping that small amount of land in the family which is what my grandfather would of wanted. It keeps me close to my family. I still have my mom and dad...Billy...bless his heart does not. The only family he has is his brother and their children. But does that give me the right to make him leave what is left of his land so we can move to my families land? Am I babbling? does it make sense.

Where we are now is going commercial and fast. in estimated 5 years they will 4 lane the road in front of my house. Well I am sure it will be a 5 lane if you include the median or turning lane. Do I want to live on that? this other's's backed up to a's off the main road and just not as populated.

Where will the money come from. For goodness sakes we have a huge house payment. How can we afford to build ANOTHER house?

I don't know. I don't know what is right. I don't know what to do. I don't know. I know where my heart tells me but is my heart being selfish?

This has been weighing on my mind for several days now. I really haven't felt like doing much of anything but thinking about this. I know I need to let it go and let God take me the way I should go. That is so hard to do sometimes ya know. I don't like not knowing where i am going.

So now I am on a save money kick. Trying to think up crafts to sale for extra money..trying to find ways to cut corners so I can put this $1.00 back that $1.00 back. Who knows...that extra cash might buy some land right?


rachel whetzel said...

Wow. Some big choices, for sure. Best of luck to you WHATEVER you decide.

Shirley said...

Becky that is a hard choice to make but one that I think you should sit and talk openly with your family about. You never know.....Billy may be ready to get away from all the commercial growth as well! Say your prayers, trust your heart and know that you will end up where you are supposed to be. ~love you~

emily said...

I'm sure whatever decisions you and Billy make are the right ones for you. Doesn't mean that you can't change the path you're taking later. Life happens to us all; just take it one step at a time. Remember Ali: It is okay.