Sunday, June 15, 2008

The boys are gone...

They left for Scout Summer Camp this morning. I am really missing them. Billy and I had another huge arguement and sometimes it is over the stupidest stuff. But he doesn't talk to me and makes comments like "He's always wrong" that just grate my nerves. And usually it always stems down to his son. Always. But I decided to tell him how scared I am about this upcoming surgery. I know it is nothing. I know they do this all the time. I know that it is outpatient and only takes about an hour. I know 2 others that have had the same thing done in just a few months time. But I still am scared. Scared what if...what if it turns out to be just more than what was expected?? What if it is cancer? I mean seriously....there is always that if ya know and it is scaring me. So I share this with him and do you think he even gets up and gives me a hug? tell me it will be okay. NO. Nothing. I was so hurt. It's probably just me being a pain in the tush. But for me being so excited they were leaving today and I would have some "alone" time....I'm really feeling very alone right now and I don't like it. I want him back home.

I had scheduled to get my hair cut and highlighted tomorrow but I am thinking about cancelling it. I just am not in the mood. I wish I could of done it today...maybe it would of made today better but I don't takes for ever to do it and I just don't want to get home late tomorrow..ya know...although what does it matter...its just me and Kayla so it wouldn't hurt I guess to do it.

Geeshhhh I hate feeling like this. It's almost how I used to feel when I was battling depression. I hate it. I hate not wanting to do anything. I don't even want to scrap today. All this free time and nothing. All I have done is sit here and cry today.

but on a happy are some new layouts :) I made them last week for the upcoming DT call at Tallyscrapper.
And tomorrow I MUST get back into the working out routine. I didn't do any last week and today I have ate popcorn, chips/dip, oreo cookies....all this crap. I feel horrible so back to the regular schedule tomorrow! I must!

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