Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I new it would be tough

But I just didn't think it would be this hard. I can't go a day with out thinking of her...my Nanny. I spend every day crying. Wishing she was still here. I knew it would be hard at Christmas but I guess I just didn't realize how hard. Here we are just a few days from Christmas Eve and I don't want it to get here. Because I know I want be at her house...I want be seeing her...I want be putting up her Christmas tree....it's just a lot more than I can deal with.

I decorated a little tree and put it on her grave site. I plan to go Christmas Eve day and just sit and talk with her for a bit. Just her and I. I loved talking with her.

We take so many things in life for granted. We tell our family and friends...I will see you next week...or give me a call in a month or so...but what if next week doesn't ever come. We don't know what GOD has planned for our future or how long we will be here. So why is it that we are so stubborn and don't live for the moment...take that extra time to say thank you...to tell someone you love them...to give that needed hug. I don't....do you??? I keep telling myself to live each day as it is your last but it is so hard to do. I put off things to the following week or tell the kids I will do it later...I don't know....just rambling I guess. I just know that right now...today....this moment...I miss my Nanny horribly. And I wish I would of taken that extra time to pick up the phone and call her...or stop by to say hi as we are driving by. I wish.

This Christmas is hard. It's very hard. And I hope she is up in heaven....watching over me...and that she knows how much I love her and how much I miss her.

4 comments:

Charlee said...

Oh Honey...I know how hard this first Christmas is...~hugs~ I wish I could make it better for you! let me know if you just wanna talk!

leslie ashe said...

HUGS to you sweet girl :) I miss you!!! May you have a very Merry Christmas! Hugs, ~Leslie

Milissa said...

So sorry you are going through this. If it is any help at all, it will get better. You will always miss her, but being able to deal with it gets better. I had my moments this Christmas too ... My Grandmother has been gone for 4 years now. It is always hard ... if you need to talk.. I'm here.

Linda said...

Bless you as you go thru this Christmas. I think it is wonderful to put a tree up for her. A friend of mine does this every year for their daughter who died a few years ago. They said it does help. I have tears thinking of what you are going thru.